The Consistent Dynamic

Over the years, I’ve shared about our dynamic, how to submit, how we’ve learned to make this work. I’ve talked about goal setting, and how we can use our dynamics to improve our relationships and our lives. I’ve talked about how hard submission is in the modern world, with our busy lives. But if there’s anything I’ve learned in the eight years I’ve been Jason’s submissive, there’s one that resonates above all: it doesn’t work if you don’t keep it up. 

What doesn't work?  

 

Well…anything.

 

Pick pretty much any goal that you want to achieve. Let’s choose three that have been on my personal goal list in the past: running a 5k, writing a book, and losing twenty pounds. 

 

You don’t get up one day and decide today’s the day you’re going to get off the couch and run a 5k. 

 

You do decide today you’ll run for two minutes, and perhaps begin a running routine like Couch to 5k. And then do it again. And again. And again. 

 

You don’t get up one day and decide today is the day you’re going to write a book. 

You do decide today you’re going to write 500 words. And then do it again. And again. And again. 

 

You don’t decide today you’ll push that weight loss button and lose twenty pounds (ha, if only). 

You do decide today you’re going to drink eight cups of water and eat a salad for lunch instead of fast food. 

And you do it again. And again. And again.

 

The key to achieving what we want is to form solid habits. The key to being who we are is in consistency. 

And this applies to work, our personal lives, and our dom/sub dynamics as well. 

 

Last week, I mentioned a few books that have changed my entire outlook on becoming who I want to be: Atomic Habits and Mini Habits. 

 

The human mind is resistant to change. Deeply embedded in our primal need for survival, we also resist things that are painful or uncomfortable. So, many of us will begin 2021 with resolutions or goals. Next week, I’ll share mine. And many, many people – in fact, I would even venture a guess that it’s most people – believe that the reason they don’t achieve their goals is because they don’t lack the will power. They think they need to flip a switch and miraculously become self-disciplined or motivated.

 

Nope. 

 

That isn’t how it works. 

 

The key to change, then, isn’t wanting it more, being more disciplined, or somehow finding an elusive pile of will power at the end of the rainbow. 

 

The key to change is to learn how to become consistent.

 

They key to learning how to become consistent is by taking small steps. 

 

And this is exactly what Jason and I are doing to get ourselves back on track. 

We knew that the linchpin in our entire dynamic is our morning check-ins. More important to me even than the regular spanking (which, believe you me, is very important), is showing Jason my daily to-do list. That way he knows what I’m facing in the day ahead. That way he can tell me what it is that’s a priority for him. He takes things off my list, helps me prioritize, and we are on the same team again. 

 

After we look at my daily list, he goes over my rules. We’ve adapted those rules over time, and have a short but succinct list we both agree with. 

 

And then, if we have time or privacy, I go over his lap. In the past week, that’s meant about four days I ended up over his lap. The other three we had no privacy, and since I’d really rather not have my teens hearing me get spanked, the spanking was tabled. 

 

But that’s not the most important part of our relationship.

 

Communication is. Consistency is. Knowing who I am and who he is. The regular affirmation of our roles. 

 

And as we’ve gotten back into the habit of checking in with each other every day, both of our needs are being met. We’re communicating again. And it’s a lovely snowball effect – when he spanks me, we find it really hot. When we find it hot, we’re having more sex. When we’re having more sex, we’re happier and more fulfilled. And on and on it goes.

 

My challenge to you this week is to find one area you’d like to improve. Spend a little time thinking about it, and find one area that you’d like to improve. Back to maintenance? Make one day a week happen. Better submission? Serve your dominant partner with one small task every day before lunch. 

You can change the entire course of your life with these small, consistent habits. Don’t believe me? Try it. ;)