Seasons

Hey there, everyone. 

I fell down an overwhelm sinkhole the past few weeks. My emails piled up, my admin work for my business piled up. I was in flat-out "survival mode." Just getting back. Just doing the most important work, trying to get food on the table, schoolwork done, and keeping the kids sane when quarantine fatigue settled in. 

And did it ever. 

The habits that I've taken months to form started to fray. Jason and I were drifting apart again. You know, it's funny, I bet if I said that to him he would likely wonder what was wrong... you know, the whole Mars and Venus thing. We weren't fighting. As married couples go, things were pretty darned good. But for a D/s couple? Things were waning a bit. I was getting snippier. He was pulling away. 

We've been doing this for over seven years. Eight this fall, to be honest. And I know that we just go through these seasons. When we first began, it was often a season of growth. It was at times painful for me, learning how to navigate his new expectations, or, frankly, mine. And this quarantine season was one of major trial. 

But finally. Finally. There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Though we are still in a state of quarantine to a certain extent, school is out. And I feel like I can breathe deeply again. It's time to regroup. It comes at a good time for me, since the beginning of the month I reflect on my goals for last month and set goals for the month ahead. 

So for the month of June, I'm re-committing to...

•  weekly blogging. It helps me. It keeps me grounded. It helps me process. 

• I'm recommitting to performing acts of submission daily for my husband, to help bring myself into a submissive headspace. 

• I'm kissing my husband every single day. It's crazy that some days pass and we don't actually kiss, isn't it? But it happens. And it's the single easiest, most intimate thing we can do. 

• I'm bringing myself back to saying, "Yes, daddy." He still requires it, but I slack off, and he's not been holding me accountable. 

• We're continuing weekly date night. Every Friday, we order takeout and sit in my office and watch a show together, just the two of us. It's SUCH a nice routine, and we need it!

I'm a big believer that "little steps make for big changes." We've been very, very good about continuing our check-ins. But they're pretty basic, and I think it's time to really bring us back to something a little deeper. 

I don't really break rules anymore. Or I haven't in so long, it's hard to remember. Instead, when I told Jason a few weeks ago that I was craving more attention, more something, he decided it was time to exert a little more control over me. And I like it. 

When we began all this, all my children were little. And in the space of eight years, we've gone from having grade school kids and babies to having children preparing to go off to college. Our needs as a couple have grown, My needs as a submissive, and his needs as a dom. Some things remain the same, but we've grown through this. 

I found myself sort of asking if this lifestyle was still for us, after the dust of this new season settled. We talked about it and have concluded the same thing. We're both committed to this. What does that mean? How will that play out? 

Well... tune in every week and I'll let you know! ;)